I’ve been a mummy for a long time, thirteen years if you can believe that (sometimes I can’t) and in those years I’ve realised some things.
I’ve fretted, struggled, stressed, not slept, panicked, puked, and then struggled, stressed, fretted, panicked and not slept. Most of the time this happened on repeat. Day in and Day out.
I’ve read books and I’ve listened to “experts” I’ve run the gamut on mummy comparisons, right from my mum to Hollywood mum to Royal mum.
I’ve NEVER seen a perfect mum! I’ve seen plenty of contenders but I’ve never seen her. That holy grail, be all, perfect, pristine, holy lights and angel choir mother.
She doesn’t exist, she never has and damn well never will.
At least not in that form, Parenting is a very particular, individual, and challenging job.
Let’s not fool ourselves, no matter how much you love being a mother it is a job. It’s underpaid, undervalued, and underappreciated but it’s still a job and as with everything mistakes are made.
Here are the few things I’ve learned as a mother (because I actually had to learn this, after all, why listen to years of experience from the other women in my life)
Parenting is HARD!
Yup, I can hear ya! That loud Duh that just spewed from your mouth without your knowledge or consent.
But, how many of you ACTUALLY listened to your mum when she told you that??? Hmmm, be honest now!
I know, like me, many of you thought to yourselves “Nah, we got this!” For a month or two you may have but then reality snuck in. Those endless, sleepless nights rolled in and you started to question your reality.
It was at that point you went “holy hell”
You truly understood the level of intensity that parenting required.
So, yes, parenting is hard! And it gets harder every day your child grows.
But what makes you perfect is no matter how hard parenting is you persevere, you keep going and keep smiling and you just… Do!
Parenting is FUN!
huh, but it’s hard? Yes, but so much fun!
You literally get the chance to mould the future of the world. Everything you have ever believed in can be shared and experienced with someone who can see the wonder in everything.
Also, who doesn’t like cookies, finger painting and Disney Movies?
Parenting is cash hungry.
Was that another snort?
Haha, yes, we all understand that providing for your children can be hard on a bank account but it certainly doesn’t have to be as hard hitting as everyone will make you believe. So many of my friends have become mums recently and I have had to listen to so many complaints about all the “necessary” things that they will need when the little one arrives. I honestly believe that we have been told so many times that we need that new awesome fan dangled baby product that we have confused necessity with luxury.
Honestly, how many of you went and bought a change table or bassinet to use it once or twice and then as a place to store a pile of clothes or toys? Or maybe you bought that great new rocker and the little one outgrew it after a week? How many of you have boxes full of baby goodies that are still in their packages?
You don’t need half the crap that you’ve been made to believe you do! We have a change table and it’s still in pieces packed away!! I’ve never used it. We were given a bassinet and used it three times. We have so many Formula dispensers and never opened them. So many EXPENSIVE things that are still in their boxes and unused.
My advice would make sure you need it, not want it.
Parents are some of the most Judgmental People you will ever meet.
Did you agree?? You should! We snarl about how people without kids carry on when our children act out in public but in my experience, it’s the ones with kids that treat you worse. They get this look about them, I know you know it. That “my child would never” or “I would never” or the “You just failed at parenting” look. That haughty glare and sniff.
ahh, is it ringing a bell now?!
Being a parent requires you develop a thick skin. Everybody has a parenting style, everyone believes their style is best. EVERYONE has the “best way” and “best advice” when it comes to parenting. We get buried in so much “expert advice” that we tend to forget to trust ourselves and we let others destroy our parenting vision. They make us believe that we are somehow less than capable.
Parenting is thankless!
Haha, I can imagine so many people, if you have gotten this far, thinking “OMG is this woman really just stating the obvious??”
I always, a bit naively, believed that my children would thank me for something I did for them. That they would appreciate the struggles and every tear.
Yeah, it’s not going to happen. You have to find your own thanks in parenting. A smile when they get their favourite food. A cuddle just because or that rock they thought you would like. Your little ones may never actually say thanks but the saying “it’s the thought that counts” truly is the motto for parenting.
Parenting is worth it!!
There is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids but parenting is probably, well not parenting exactly, but those moments of pure happiness and pride, make becoming a parent one of the most fulfilling jobs I have ever had. It’s mentally stimulating, emotionally fulfilling and physically exhausting. Three major draws to any dream job.
I’d change so many things in my life. But never once have I ever entertained the idea of never having my babies. They are the very reason for most of the choices.