I received my sons school report today.
My son is autistic but we are having trouble finding the support he needs.
It took us eight years to find someone willing to give us a diagnosis (not that I have received that report yet).
Until this year we had him placed in mainstream public school. I haven’t regretted our decision, until this moment.
My intelligent, beautiful son; was treated like a naughty child in that public school and I’m am incredible said to admit I treated him the same. (Behaviour wise).
I had trouble associating my experiences with my son and those of his public school teachers.
At home he loved reading, he enjoyed learning with numbers. He loved trying everything. When he started school, he became less interested. He stopped trying. I constantly blamed myself and got angry at him.
I would yell and become frustrated. I would try and talk to him and he promised to try harder just for him to slip back into the disruptive behaviour.
The teachers began to hold him back to finish his school work while the other kids had lunch and played. He was forced to repeat and was bullied regularly. Those bullies physically hurt him, he came home bruised on several occasions. However, it was my son that was named “Instigator”.
An autistic child, such as mine, can not express themselves to another. When frustrated my son will scream, when scared he will cower, when pushed he will retaliate with violence. He does not understand the intricacies of social conduct. He has no idea how friendships work. If a child hit him and called him friend he would know no different.
We were consistently bombarded with the schools “concerns” about him. We were routinely reminded that we had to have him “diagnosed” otherwise his treatment would stay the same.
I’ll be honest the first three years were liveable. Not perfect but his teachers were fairly understanding. Even though they were understanding they still stood around with their hands tied by red tape and proper professional behaviour. I’ll also note that those teachers were women.
Last year he had his first male teacher.
Everything fell apart, that fine line we had been treading snapped under the pressure.
Again and again this teacher pulled us into his class room. Stared down at as and tore our child apart.
Again and again he told us he could not “teach” a child like ours. He would tell us he didn’t have the time for our son. Never did he listen to our boy, or to us. But, that child or the staff member that pointed blame at my child was believed with no investigation.
My son began to suffer as he never had. He began to have night terrors. He told us everyday he was sick in hopes we would keep him home. His thick brown hair began to recede and fall from his head. My child was loosing weight and still his teacher treated him as a nuisance.
My husband and I began to hunt for another school one that would be willing to help. We failed to find a public School that took us seriously. Even more, that dreaded paperwork we had been trying to get since my son was three, was requested; Demanded until we wanted to scream aloud with anger.
Finally September rolled around and we found a doctor willing to listen to us. Even better she wrote a referral to a paediatrician. Because we had spent so long trying to work within our local community and we were failed. Our new paediatrician was not just out of town. He was out of state.
Within two months we had a appointments set to determine his condition.
We took him and they were supportive, the diagnosed him but I haven’t received the report yet. It’s been four months.
We had to bite the bullet and place our son in a private school we can’t afford just so he can have the support he needs to learn.
Even without the official report they are trying so hard for our son. They have him placed in special development classes to work on his social skills. His teachers take the time to talk him through his work and encourage him.
And we received his school report today.
I’m in tears, my wonderful son is trying so hard. His teachers praise him for his developments, slow as they might be. They praise him for the kind gentle child that he is.
He isn’t bullied, in fact, the other children encourage him. He plays alone because that is his choice.
Never have I felt so completely heart broken and so unbelievably happy at the same time.
This post is from 2015, I wrote and posted it on my first WordPress blog. As Me and Miss Tay is the one I want to keep I’m now posting it here.
So a quick update on my boy.
It took us nine, NINE! months to receive his ASD report and then it was only thanks to that brilliant private school that took him in. The harassed the Doctors and hunted it down because my queries were going unanswered. The even payed the overdue payments (I refused to pay the last of my bill until I saw the report). This school has been a god send (side note it’s a Catholic school) he’s advanced, he may never be an “A” student but going from a failing student to a “D” and sometimes “C” student is just amazing.
He has the support of the whole school. I’ve seen students calm him when he was in a meltdown, I’ve seen students try and teach him, with patience beyond their years, how to play sports. He gets invited to birthdays, his teachers are supportive and he has a special aid to help him.
This school was the best thing that ever happened to our boy.
His current teacher and I, don’t see eye to eye all the time but thats fine she’s pushing Dante’s limits. We, she and I, just have different methods of teaching. She thinks I should watch him do everything and I mean everything he does. Where I believe for my som to become a functioning adult he needs to be taught to take responsibility for himself and his actions.
Her way has me micro managing him and mine has a list of chores (written down so he can see them, of course) that he has to do everyday after school.
I raised him from day one my way, but he likes her way, and why wouldn’t he everybody else does everything for him and he has uninterrupted attention.
But he’s succeeding and that’s all that matters.
PS I need to find a way to thank this school.