It’s a Horrible Truth

I received my sons school report today.

My son is autistic but we are having trouble finding the support he needs.

It took us eight years to find someone willing to give us a diagnosis (not that I have received that report yet).

Until this year we had him placed in mainstream public school. I haven’t regretted our decision, until this moment.

My intelligent, beautiful son; was treated like a naughty child in that public school and I’m am incredible said to admit I treated him the same. (Behaviour wise).

I had trouble associating my experiences with my son and those of his public school teachers.

At home he loved reading, he enjoyed learning with numbers. He loved trying everything. When he started school, he became less interested. He stopped trying. I constantly blamed myself and got angry at him.

I would yell and become frustrated. I would try and talk to him and he promised to try harder just for him to slip back into the disruptive behaviour.

The teachers began to hold him back to finish his school work while the other kids had lunch and played. He was forced to repeat and was bullied regularly. Those bullies physically hurt him, he came home bruised on several occasions. However, it was my son that was named “Instigator”.

An autistic child, such as mine, can not express themselves to another. When frustrated my son will scream, when scared he will cower, when pushed he will retaliate with violence. He does not understand the intricacies of social conduct. He has no idea how friendships work. If a child hit him and called him friend he would know no different.

We were consistently bombarded with the schools “concerns” about him. We were routinely reminded that we had to have him “diagnosed” otherwise his treatment would stay the same.

I’ll be honest the first three years were liveable. Not perfect but his teachers were fairly understanding. Even though they were understanding they still stood around with their hands tied by red tape and proper professional behaviour. I’ll also note that those teachers were women.

Last year he had his first male teacher.

Everything fell apart, that fine line we had been treading snapped under the pressure.

Again and again this teacher pulled us into his class room. Stared down at as and tore our child apart.

Again and again he told us he could not “teach” a child like ours. He would tell us he didn’t have the time for our son. Never did he listen to our boy, or to us. But, that child or the staff member that pointed blame at my child was believed with no investigation.

My son began to suffer as he never had. He began to have night terrors. He told us everyday he was sick in hopes we would keep him home. His thick brown hair began to recede and fall from his head. My child was loosing weight and still his teacher treated him as a nuisance.

My husband and I began to hunt for another school one that would be willing to help. We failed to find a public School that took us seriously. Even more, that dreaded paperwork we had been trying to get since my son was three, was requested; Demanded until we wanted to scream aloud with anger.

Finally September rolled around and we found a doctor willing to listen to us. Even better she wrote a referral to a paediatrician. Because we had spent so long trying to work within our local community and we were failed. Our new paediatrician was not just out of town. He was out of state.

Within two months we had a appointments set to determine his condition.

We took him and they were supportive, the diagnosed him but I haven’t received the report yet. It’s been four months.

We had to bite the bullet and place our son in a private school we can’t afford just so he can have the support he needs to learn.

Even without the official report they are trying so hard for our son. They have him placed in special development classes to work on his social skills. His teachers take the time to talk him through his work and encourage him.

And we received his school report today.

I’m in tears, my wonderful son is trying so hard. His teachers praise him for his developments, slow as they might be. They praise him for the kind gentle child that he is.

He isn’t bullied, in fact, the other children encourage him. He plays alone because that is his choice.

Never have I felt so completely heart broken and so unbelievably happy at the same time.

This post is from 2015, I wrote and posted it on my first WordPress blog. As Me and Miss Tay is the one I want to keep I’m now posting it here.

So a quick update on my boy.

It took us nine, NINE! months to receive his ASD report and then it was only thanks to that brilliant private school that took him in. The harassed the Doctors and hunted it down because my queries were going unanswered. The even payed the overdue payments (I refused to pay the last of my bill until I saw the report). This school has been a god send (side note it’s a Catholic school) he’s advanced, he may never be an “A” student but going from a failing student to a “D” and sometimes “C” student is just amazing.

He has the support of the whole school. I’ve seen students calm him when he was in a meltdown, I’ve seen students try and teach him, with patience beyond their years, how to play sports. He gets invited to birthdays, his teachers are supportive and he has a special aid to help him.

This school was the best thing that ever happened to our boy.

His current teacher and I, don’t see eye to eye all the time but thats fine she’s pushing Dante’s limits. We, she and I, just have different methods of teaching. She thinks I should watch him do everything and I mean everything he does. Where I believe for my som to become a functioning adult he needs to be taught to take responsibility for himself and his actions.

Her way has me micro managing him and mine has a list of chores (written down so he can see them, of course) that he has to do everyday after school.

I raised him from day one my way, but he likes her way, and why wouldn’t he everybody else does everything for him and he has uninterrupted attention.

But he’s succeeding and that’s all that matters.



PS I need to find a way to thank this school.

Living With Depression!

If there is one thing so many people can understand it’s Depression, but do non-sufferers really understand the full weight you carry? Or just not try and understand?

I’ve never really taken the time to understand depression even when being assailed by its demons. Even bringing up depression has friends and family reeling “no! you don’t!” They’d say or simply scoff and brush it off “you’re just having a bad day”

A bad day…..

A bad is when you blow a tire and you 45 mins late to an important meeting! A bad day is when your kids just won’t let you pee by yourself and then you spill milk all over the shopping centre floor! A bad day is when you simply don’t get enough sleep so you make mistakes at work which forces you to have to redo everything!

That’s a bad day!

My “Bad Days” consist of being physically sick because my mind is full of shadows, my bad days are not moving from bed all day and sleeping my life away because I just can’t see the benefits of living! My Bad days are watching everyone around me through a grey haze because I don’t fit in or feel like I should even bother, I’m convinced those same people hate me but won’t tell me, I’m convinced they will toss me out like an old sandwich… No remorse, no concern, nothing holding them back from completely wiping me from their lives and memories.

My “bad days”,, as you call it, are warped into desperation and illness. I’ll spend nights not sleeping because my mind won’t stop telling me the world doesn’t want me! I’ll spend days not eating because my emotions are just so very dark that I’m feeling incredibly sick. I’ll do all these things day in and day out.

My bad days are more than my good days. If I asked a non-suffer when there bad days like mine were I bet they’d probably say a few times a year. You’re a few times a year can be our “good days”!

Swallow that!
Let that marinate in your minds eye… tell me if you can live in the shadows like we do!

I’m not writing this so that I can gain sympathy, I’m not writing this because I want attention. I don’t want that attention! I hate having my life tainted with depression and anxiety!
I want to love my life!
My life is awesome!
I can understand, logically, that I am incredibly lucky but emotionally I’m always waiting for the fall out. Mentally I’m always fighting with myself to recognise the awesomeness that is my life! I’m tired, mentally, emotionally and physically tired of fighting myself and then fighting the pitfalls of life.
I’m tired!

I don’t want your sympathy.
Your empathy… maybe.
Your understanding….. yes!
Your support…… most definitely!

Right now I’m sitting here thinking “gee you sound like a whinging little parasite, who cares about your issues? Nobody is going to want to read this you’re wasting your time! You’re not important enough for this to matter! Why would you bother with this post? Everyone is going to think you are only after the attention. Nobody likes those people who beg for attention! Scorn…. ridicule… that’s all you’re going to get because they can see through you and your attempts at bringing awareness!”

But I want to write this because I DO want to share with you! I want to show people they aren’t alone! And right now, with my depression swirling around my head, I think that this is the PERFECT time for ME to write about it!

Do you know what depression is?? Do you know how to combat it?? Do you know who to see when it hits?? I’ll be honest I’m horrible at all those things when it comes to me!

But when it comes to others I’m quite happy to show you the way!

And my blog is how I’m going to!

So, What is depression?

Anyone can feel depressed, most people have. But BEING depressed is different. Depression is the onset of low emotions that persist for days, weeks, and months at a time. Some sufferers have depression so bad that their low moods can last years. It can affect you physically as well. Lots of sufferers deal with headaches, nausea, and aches and pains. A lot of sufferers even gain or lose weight as their moods change. I, myself, binge eat when my mood plummets and then it’s a vicious cycle I get depressed about my weight then I eat and get depressed about how much I’m eating.

How does it affect you?

Depression affects you in various ways. Including the way you think and act. Many believe that depression is about low and negative moods, the moods are just one aspect to how you can be affected.

So, What are the signs?

• Lowered self esteem and/or self worth
• Changes In sleep
• Changes in appetite
• Changes in sexual drives (decrease or absent)
• Uncontrollable emotional states ( generally towards the negative! Feeling guilty, inadequate, pessimistic anger, irritability, and anxiety, etc),
• Varying Emotion levels (feeling down in the morning but gradually feeling better as the day continues)
• Reduced Pain Tolerance (lowered pain thresholds and an increase of persistent ailments)
• Poor Concentration And Memory ( some sufferers feel demented)
• Poor Motivation
• Less likely to go out
• Failure to finish work/school work
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Relying on alcohol or sedatives
• Inability to enjoy normal activities (activities they have enjoyed in the past)
• An increase of negative thoughts (I’m a failure, it’s my fault, everyone would be better off without me, etc)
• Feeling tired and drained constantly
• Always sick
• Headaches and muscles pains
• Churning Stomach/nausea

These signs and symptoms are continually and may present at any time and sometimes for no reason.

So, How do you treat depression?

If you’re lucky you can get through it without intervention. Most people however employ treatments that deal with depression through Psychological (therapy) means, Pharmaceutical means, or with Natural Medicines and Therapies (meditation, aromatherapy, etc).

Psychological Therapies can be done alone or in groups. The most common and most effective treatment is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). It is a structured treatment that works by identifying thoughts and behaviours that cause depression or those that hinder recovery. This treatment method teaches you to think rationally about the issue at hand and to alter negative thoughts and behaviour patterns or reactions into something more realistic and positive.

The other treatments are Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness-based Congnitive Therapy (MBCT)

Pharmaceutical forms of treatments don’t just consist of antidepressants. More severe cases, use antipsychotics, mood stabilisers, and antidepressants to combat their conditions (such as Bipolar Disorder and Psychosis).

There are a lot of antidepressants to choose from. The antidepressant a suffer ends up using can be one of SIX types. All work, all have side effects and all are given based on many factors, medical history, age, symptoms, other medications, severity, pregnancy or breastfeeding (if you’re a women). They vary from person to person, so finding the right antidepressant and treatment for a single sufferer can take months. It’s, however, extremely important to find a treatment method that works for you! Forget how your best friend, sister, aunt, neighbour is doing. It’s all about YOU!

The most commonly used type of antidepressant in Australia are Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI’s). These include Sertralines, Citaloprcem, Escitalopram, Paraoxetine, Fluoxetine, and Fluvoxamine. All of the SSRI’s are generally well tolerated and non-sedating (generally).

Others types of antidepressants are

Serotonin and Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRI’s have fewer side effects, prescribed for severe depression and are safer when overdose occurs),

Reversible Inhibitors of Monoamine Oxidase A (RIMA’s have fewer side effects, non-sedating, less effective treating severe depression, help with anxiety and sleeping difficulties),

TriCyclic Antidepressants (TCA’s are effective but harmful, affects newer drugs ie SSRI’s, likely to cause low blood pressure),

Noradrenaline-Serotonin Specific Antidepressants (NaSSA’s are newer antidepressants, helpful with anxiety and sleeping, generally low in sexual side effects ie drop in desire/ability, may cause weight gain),

Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitors (NARI’s designed to work selectively on Noradrenaline, less likely to cause drowsiness/sleepiness, after the initial does is likely to cause restless sleeping patterns, increase of sweat production, cause sexual difficulties, cause urination difficulties, increase heart rate).

This blog is important to me and mental illness is close to my heart. I appreciate you reading and hope you learnt something. Even if it’s just to listen harder when someone says they are having a “bad day”. Please if you believe a friend or loved one is suffering help can be reached at anytime on the following 24 hr Free call phone services.
1300 22 46 36

SANE Mental Illness Helpline
1800 688 382

The information I have shared to day can be found on the Beyondblue website (linked above) as well as a Mental Health check list.

The information used in today’s blog can also be found on Black Dog Institute website.

Both of these websites hold vast amounts of information and are in an easy to read format. I found them both truly helpful when researching this condition.

Take care of each other


As always, I am not affiliated with any of the brands, websites or products showcased in this blog. This blog was written based on personal experiences and research. Any information in this blog has been shared by me with the intent of distributing information, this information is in no way to be used as medically diagnostic. I am not trained medically and am simply reciting information available to the public in hopes of helping sufferers and there family to seek professional help from certified practitioners.

Nappy Rash Creams: Which One?

It’s hot these days, and with the heat comes a lot of problems when you have kids. Some are superficial like sticky fingers, and swimming pool visits. Others are not as nice like rashes.

When you have kids you learn pretty quickly that rashes and kids are very common. Most aren’t a concern some are worrisome and some linger like an uninvited guest.
In the last month or so our house has been plagued with nappy rashes.
So what a better time to start trial different creams than right now!
So below you will find comparisons and treatments for nappy rashes.

The Product!!!

A common staple to new mums Bepanthen comes highly recommended and highly endorsed. What we must consider though is it highly recommended because of its ability to aid in healing or is it recommended because it’s so readily available?

Another highly recommended cream, and one I’ll admit I use quite readily. So does this cream outlast and out treat nappy rash?

Curash isn’t a brand I use without trepidation, I’ve found plenty of issues with plenty of Curash products. But I maintain that it’s still a viable treatment for some babies…..Just not mine……usually.

This cream is actually a new one on me I’d never actually heard of it before Bellabox sent it out in a Bella baby box. I now have two tubs of it and plenty of nappy time left that I feel it will not be wasted.

About the products!!!

Bepanthen Nappy treatment is a solid product that you can use quite well and it will aid most healing. It creates a water proof barrier between the delicate bubba skin and the harsh wet nappies. Bepanthen contains Pro-Vitamin B5 which aids in healing and repair.

Sudocrem is a product my family use almost to the exclusion of others, not that it hasn’t failed us in the past. It’s a great product that has a great amount of uses being as not only is it a nappy Rash cream but it helps eczema and dry skin. It’s main ingredient is Zinc Oxide.

Curash is probably my least favourite on the list. I have, however, found need and use for the Cream. Curash has aloe Vera in it and becomes clear so it’s a little difficult to ensure full coverage. It’s great for extra sensitive skin types.

Dermaveen is a new product in my household and I’ve found myself pleasantly surprised. It’s use on my daughter, however, yields surprising results. It contain Zinc oxide and natural colloidal oatmeal.

None of these creams have an offending smell and all are well packaged.

How to use!!!

All of the creams above are used the same way, a way that is kind of self explanatory.
Wipe clean the area affected and massage in the appropriate amount of nappy Rash cream of your choice. Ensuring full coverage!

The Results!!!

Unlike how to use the creams, the results are different. But, please remember, each child is different and each result is individual. What works for my daughter may not work for yours.

Bepanthen is a good product and a product I’d use again. It creates a great coverage but I’ve noticed with my daughter continued use leads to her nappy Rash becoming inflamed and bleeding. It’s quite off putting. Funnily, Sudocrem did the same thing to my son. I share this to illustrate that each result is different. The best thing about Bepanthen is it takes very little to cover an affected area. It’s thin and doesn’t make our children uncomfortable while wearing it.

Sudocrem is the product that my daughter gets slathered in and its results are almost immediate. It’s thick structure allows for great coverage and wearability. However, recently she had a horrible nappy Rash that Sudocrem just couldn’t kick. It’s was incredibly red and itchy, I feared it would need doctor interference. See even my favourite product isn’t fool proof. Sudocrem also has the issue of sticking to your hands and everything else it touches. White dusty imprints everywhere. Rather funny when you get butt cheek imprints on the couch. 🙃don’t fear it’s easy to clean up!

Curash is great for sensitive skins and as it turns out quite helpful when fighting of a Rash that laughed in Sudocrem’s face. Curash earns itself a lot of respect for that! My baby was in constant discomfort until I used it, within two hours of the first application what was a horrid brown-red Rash with white pustules and a terrifying itch was now just a mild pink mark. The white lumps were still prominent but even they were shifted within the first 24hrs of treatment. By the second day of Curash application the Rash turned to a small pink Rash and the itch was a horrible memory. Finally, the house got some solid sleep!

Dermaveen, now I’ll admit dermaveen was at a disadvantage. Once Curash dealt with the big Rash, I kind of kept up the use. But then Curash stopped working. Or maybe because of the hot weather my baby was just cursed to have nappy Rash repeat. Thankful this time it was just the normal red Rash. Curash couldn’t kick this one. So Dermaveen got a shot. It worked well but it took a long time to do so. What Sudocrem and even Bepanthen could’ve kicked in 12 hours took Dermaveen 24-48 hrs. But, it left my baby with lovely soft skin. Even my hands felt great afterwards. So while Dermaveen is a very good product it is slow to work. But who knows that just might be why her skin was so soft and healthy looking afterwards. I used Dermaveen on every nappy change for a week after that and nappy Rash has yet to return. Coincidence? Perhaps, or maybe Dermaveen is just that good.

Where Can I Get One?

These products and many more are available at your Local grocery stores and chemists. More than likely you’ve also received some of these products in baby gifts.
It’s a bit of a trial game when it comes to what works so don’t be put off by them.

Would I recommend?

Yes, all of these products are useful and as a parent your going to need them readily available to you

I am in no way affiliated with these brands, the above are based on my opinions, experience and research.